all the best in 2013

Happy New Year

Merry Christmas to all ...

My Dad rocks ...

My ex has apparently still not figured out the whole "we are DONE" thing.  [For those of you playing along at home, my ex moved out on August 07 2012]  
December 12  he called 4 times  I didn't answer
December 17 he called I didn't answer 
December 19 he called, my Dad answered.  He asked for me, Dad said "you are talking to ME now.  She does not want anything to do with you" at which time my ex hung up.  Dad was a bit annoyed cos he had some other things he wanted to say to my ex!  
A friend suggested we might run into my ex around town and if that happens "make sure you film the beating your dad lays on him".  Of course she is kidding.  My Dad does not yell let alone get violent but the suggestion gave me a giggle. 
I may be 50+ years old but I am still Daddy's little girl; mess with me and you will have to answer to him!

heart breaking

12 12 12

MORE SLEEP

December 11 ...

MORE SLEEPS

December 10th

MORE SLEEPS

Count down

sleeps until Dad arrives

FIVE ...

more sleeps until my Dad arrives ... 
can you tell I am excited?

Poor DeeDee

Poor DeeDee Dakota would not start so had to get towed to the garage 

the good news is that her refusal to start is nothing serious. The bad news is that the reason she would not start is because the auto start got activated. Considering I have not used it in months and don't even know where the remotes are makes it concerning.  

My mechanic Bruce totally rocks!  Since DeeDee was there he did an oil change and the total bill was just over $70!! He is doing research to find out if there is an easy way to deactivate the auto start without negatively impacting anything else.  I totally lucked out when Bruce opened his shop and even better that he is located close enough to my office that I can easily walk any time I have to drop off the truck.  

friends

In spite of having a the size of Montana since Friday I managed to have a good weekend. 
Friday evening I went out for drinks and dinner with a friend. 
Friday night another friend arrived for a visit until Sunday morning. 
Sunday afternoon I met up with some more friends that used to belong to the same ball team a billion years ago. One fella lives in California now so we don't get to see him often but we always try to get together whenever he is in town.
I am very soon going to take my regular night meds plus some ibuprofen and crawl into bed.  I would really prefer to not start my work week tomorrow with a headache.

this is me doing the happy dance.

After 4 months, police intervention, court, the assistance of friends and a ton of crap, the situation with Greg is finally OVER.   



Everything that belongs to him has been removed from the property and we are DONE!

Houdini

Stomach still quite upset so took some Gravol and crawled back into bed. Was just getting comfy when I heard a thump and then some clicking noises so got up went around the bed and found Bagels coming across the bedroom towards me. Of course then I had to chase him down and put him back in the cage and remember to close the lid this time. He kicked up some sawdust at me and gave several loud thumps with his foot. In the wild that means danger; for him it means he's ticked off!!

feeling glum

Sunday I had a nightmare about the stuff of Greg's still in my driveway [for those of you keeping track, he moved out on August 07]. I decided last night that I was going to call Greg's father Paul today about getting rid of this junk and probably because of that woke up this morning with an upset stomach. I ended up leaving work at lunch because my stomach was so upset. I came home and took some Gravol and spent the afternoon in bed. Just about the time I would normally be getting home from work, Greg phoned. I answered to ask what he is doing about the shit in the driveway. He said he does not have access to a truck so does not know what to do with it. I pointed out to him that the only things that he owns with any financial value is the stuff left in my driveway; motorcycle, safe, generator, which is the reason I have been hesitating in turfing the stuff. Greg was in tears more than once during our short conversation which of course brings out all sorts of emotions in me. I did not let on to him what I was feeling. I know things ended badly but I shared my life with him for 4 years and listening to him today made me sad. I am giving myself permission to be sad but going to take some Gravol and go to bed. Tomorrow I will continue with moving on. I am so tired of talking about this and dealing with this. I really need this to be done once and for all.

awwwwwwwwwwww

our year in pictures

Create your own Photobooks with Inkubook.com!

oooooowwwwwwwwwwwww

I have had this brutal cough for what feels like forever so am pretty much adjusted to it.  However last Saturday afternoon I unexpectedly coughed while standing unsupported.  I don’t know what happened but it felt like a knife went through the right side of my chest and came out the back.  It literally took my breath away. I was hoping it would fade quickly so carried on with my day but within an hour I was at Emerg.  I was there for over 5 hours.  That included an ECG to rule out heart problem which I was not aware was an issue.  They also did a chest x-ray.  The final verdict was inconclusive; it is either a pulled muscle OR a torn muscle OR a cracked rib.  Rib cracks don’t generally show up on x-ray until they start to heal.  From my personal experience I am fairly sure the rib is cracked.  At any rate it hurts like stink … I spent most of Monday lazing about but it was still very painful Tuesday morning so I booked off for the day.  I went in to work on Wednesday but was very sore so I booked 1/2 day vacation for Wednesday, Thursday and Friday.  Hopefully that will help me get past the worst of this.

are you kidding me ??

A very dear friend of mine in Ontario recently lost his wife. 

I sent him an email “Don’t want to be insensitive but can I ask what happened?  Had she been ill?”

He responded with “Yes she had, a lot worse than we knew.  She had a lot of pain, and made the decision to stop it and not have the family suffer as well, and took her own life.  She is a peace, no pain, and probably telling God how to run his gardens.  It is a positive thing.”

I emailed a mutual friend to ensure she was aware of what was going on and told her “What I heard was she was very ill and took her own life”.

She responded with “No she was not that ill.  She had some aches and pains – shit that comes with old age.  However, the main issue was depression.“

As someone that has battled depression for more than half my life, this is kind of a hot button for me.  I know all too well the mental and physical pain associated with depression.  I have been fortunate to have good mental health professionals when fighting depression or I could have very well taken the same path as my friend’s wife. 

It blows my mind that this quite intelligent friend would say “she was not that ill” about a person that suffered from depression bad enough to take her own life.  It is the year 2012; I thought people had realized that depression is a serious mental illness, not a personal choice. Trust me there is not a person in the world that would deliberately make the choice to suffer with depression! 
RIP J

Grandsons on halloween 2012

     Eddy, 26 months old

    Carson, 9 months old

Every moment of every day,

In memory of Donamay Scott, March 05 1938 to November 01 2003.

I hide my tears when I say your name

But the pain in my heart is still the same

Though I smile and seem carefree

There’s no one that misses you more than me

Every moment of every day, Mom, with love from Linda

I am truly blessed

I have a male friend with whom I have the neatest relationship.  We are not “in love” but truly love each other.  Since we have known each other, we both have been in relationships with other people and that’s okay.  There is no jealousy involved; we are both genuinely happy for the other, as long as they are happy.  We are very open with each other about any and every thing.  There have been times when we are both single that we ‘hook up’.  We easily transition from friends to lovers and back.  I would do anything in the world for him as he would for me. 

He is coming over this weekend and we are both quite excited about that.  I cautioned him that I have to go to church on Sunday as I am putting flowers on the altar in memory of my Mom.  To my surprise and delight he asked to go with me.  He is not a church type guy at all but wants to be there with and for me because I sometimes have a tough time with this service. 

I am very grateful and blessed to have this amazing guy in my world!  

ENOUGH ALREADY!!

I called Greg’s step mother Connie last weekend and told her to let Greg know that at 1pm on October 20 I was going to start dragging Greg’s stuff outside.  Greg and his Dad were here on Wednesday and Friday and to no one’s surprise did not show up on Saturday.  Again I called Connie and said the stuff was going out on Monday when I got home from work.  My stomach was upset all Monday morning.  I got home at lunch to find Greg had left 3 messages on my voice mail saying he can’t move the stuff until Wednesday.  I spent the next half hour throwing up and ended up not going back to work.  Greg and his Dad did come over and I was hoping they were going to finally take everything but no such luck.  My stomach was still pretty upset Tuesday so booked off work sick.  I am determined that whatever stuff of Greg’s is left in the garage when I get home from work on Wednesday I am taking it outside.  I am not making a phone call about it in advance.  The garage door is unlocked so Greg can access the garage to get his crap while I am at work on Wednesday.  I need this to be done.  I can’t start to heal and/or move on when every time I walk out my front door or pull in my driveway I am faced with Greg’s motorcycle in my driveway.  I cannot keep going on like this.  I am sure all this crap is what is causing my ongoing stomach problems.  It was July 23 when I told Greg it was over and today is October 23.  I made things way too good for Greg here and he does not want to let go but I am so very done! 

appreciating friends

We meet people on Facebook or Blogger that slowly become friends. We talk as if we have known each other our entire lives. Regardless of the distance between us, we act as if we are sitting next to one another. We like their photos ... We share our lives ... We learn about the other states or Countries where they live. ... Virtual friends are important... to say good morning or good evening, a compliment or even sharing a joke! These are small actions that make us smile!! 

I have 'met' some pretty amazing people that I consider close friends even though we have never actually met in person!

can you believe this came from sweet innocent ME?!?!

COPY OF A TEXT I RECENTLY SENT
"Can't wait to see you.  Have a long list of stuff for you to do ... starting with ME"

I could tell you who(m) I sent it to but then I would have to kill you ... LOL

suggestions welcome!

Greg and his father Paul showed up just after I got home on October 17. Paul came to the door to see if they could pick up some stuff.  Paul wanted to know if Greg could pick up some stuff over the next few days. I said I didn't want Greg just showing up. Paul said he will make sure he comes with Greg; I said that was okay. 

I went out and asked Greg to sign the Final Order from our Judicial Case Conference.  He said he already signed a document at the JCC.  I explained it has to be signed again; he did not want to do that without clarification.  I signed the form and gave it to him to take to the court house.

Don't know why but after they left I started to cry and still feel quite weepy.  What is going on with me?

ADDENDUM OCT 18 - After giving it some thought my pop psychology answer is that last night I was doing the grieving I would have done months ago had I not been dealing with the stupid shit.  There were a lot of good moments in the relationship and I do need to take time to grieve that. 

It is hard to not think of him every day when his motorcycle is still sitting in my driveway; a tangible reminder of him every time I leave the house.  I think it will be easier once all his shit is gone.  

little old lady (?!?!?) with blue hair

Enough is enough

I called and spoke with Greg’s step mother Connie yesterday.  I told her I have been more than patient but am tired of waiting for Greg.  Therefore next Saturday October 20 at 1pm I am going to start taking what is left of his stuff here (safe, generator, motorcycle, box of electronics, bag of clothes, old computers and tools) out to the curb.  From there I do not care who picks it up. 

I told Connie I had called yesterday because I knew they would be speaking with Greg this weekend so I know he will get the message.   Saturday was Greg’s birthday, Sunday is Connie’s birthday.

On July 23 I told Greg it was over and I wanted him to leave.  He left here on August 07.  On August 10 I paid for a storage unit for a month and Greg's ex wife and kids and I moved all Greg's stuff from the house to the storage unit.  On September 11 Greg signed a legal document that he would pick up the rest of his stuff on September 22.  

In essence Greg has done nothing with regard to packing and/or moving his belongings.  He just turned 46 years old so I think it is time that HE take responsibility for HIS belongings and life! 

GIMME

Gotta like that ...

Had a meeting with my boss`s boss on Wednesday.  She complimented me on how well I am doing at work and how well I am doing personally. I worked hard to get where I am mentally and professionally and it felt really good to have that validated.  Then today a friend and coworker commented on how much different I look lately; much more relaxed and at ease.  
Amazing what losing a bunch of weight (about 260 pounds) can do for a girl! 

I HATE OCTOBER

• Although I am truly blessed with amazing friends here, Thanksgiving is so family focused that it makes me really miss my Dad, brothers, nieces and nephew. 
• At some point during the month I write and submit memorials to go in the newspapers on November 01 in memory of my Mom. 
• I am not interested nor do I participate in Halloween but it is everywhere. 
• I arrange for flowers on the altar at church the last Sunday of the month in memory of my Mom then attend that church service.  
• October 08 would have been my [22nd in 2012 if you are keeping track] wedding anniversary had my life gone differently. I did not make it to the altar; I got dumped exactly two months before the wedding date. Some years I do not even think about it but other years it is very prominent in my mind. 
• The first time I had to have my dog put down was October 25 2002. 
• The weather goes from generally not bad in September to downright nasty in October. We always have snow before Halloween.

Under Construction...

Yup, just like the title of this post says..."blog is under construction" if you didn't notice already, hahaha. So come back soon for a new layout and more blog post.